Thursday, October 31, 2013

Crazy or Sad?

Here’s why I think I’m crazy lately. Wait. Crazy or sad? Or both? I don't really know.  I’m not sleeping well, I’m constipated, I’m overwhelmed (still) with everything on my calendar, I’m emotional even when nothing warrants waves of emotion, I want to do things but I just think about them and don’t do them so I get frustrated and depressed, work is unfulfilling, I don’t have the energy or the concentration to play piano. And every day I yell at my pets because of all of this.

Maybe my meds aren't working. I don’t know. I just assume they are working. I never really think about it. I should have my shrink check into that. The constipation alone is enough to make anyone grumpy and there are other bad signs in there, too. My friends are worried. But I am pretty sure that it all has to do with too much on my calendar. When I have a night that I don’t have anything to do (like tonight), I do absolutely nothing. But I struggle with that. With it being okay to relax. I feel I need to be DOING something, accomplishing something for the good of the world, all the time. It’s a recurring theme at my counselling appointments. If I would have stayed at work today then I would have gone to yoga right from work. I feel empty...especially when I’m not DOING things.

I will go put my car in the garage and practice piano and do some stretching. Enough moping about for me. I will just sit here and cry if I keep doing this. Hopefully something will work tonight...

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