Sunday, April 22, 2012

Post-Psychiatrist Me

Friday was the day I finally got in to see a psychiatrist.  Earlier than expected and also earlier than anyone else could do for me.  Funny thing how I found her on my own and saw her before the system could set something up for me.

She was great!  Understanding, patient, listened, explained, asked questioned, let me ask questions.  I am on the first week of new meds right now.  Well, not totally new.  What she did was keep me on my current drug fluoxetine (aka Prozac) but took me down from 40 mg/day to 20 mg/day.  To this she has added 37.5 mg/day of venlafaxine (aka Effexor) for 5 days and then after 5 days take 75 mg of the Effexor until I see her on May 8th. She also prescribed lorazepam (aka Ativan) to help with general anxiety disorder.  It's a teeny tiny pill that I take when I first feel the onset of panic or anxiety symptoms.  It dissolves under the tongue and can be taken as needed in intervals of 3 hours up to 3 pills a day.

I postponed taking my new pills yesterday because I was scared.  I'm scared they will change me, change who I am.  I like me; I just don't like being sad, anxious and/or angry all the time for no apparent reason. (I did take them though, so not to worry!) I wake up with anxiety some mornings, other morning I awake angry, and others yet sad and crying.  How do I control that when these feelings are there before I'm even conscious in the morning?  Someone told me just stop crying.  Stop being sad.  Go back to the person you were a year ago if it was simpler then.  HOW???

To all of you that are reading this and see me or talk to me on a regular basis please let me know about the changes that are happening, if any, to me.  I might not notice them but you probably will.  And thank you to all of you for reading and accompanying me on my journey. Your support and understanding is greatly appreciated in more ways than you could ever know!

If you have any questions please feel free to email me.  I could maybe answer them in a blog for you or help you find some answers somewhere else.  We can all learn from each other and help each other in some way or another and if you are looking for someone to reach out to please use the resources in your community, your friends and your family.  Build a support system that will benefit you, not deter you from becoming able to live with your mental illness or whatever the case may be.

I love you all and I hope that this is the start of a new journey in a positive direction for me.  Stay tuned for updates and maybe some back issues that I never got to post! LOL! Namaste!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Progress Report

Not much to report so far.  My intake assessment was almost a waste of time but I did manage to get into a group that meets weekly for 8 weeks.  We are learning about self-management; appropriate and inappropriate methods of self-care/self-management.  I know most of this stuff already.  It's the DOING part that is difficult.  Change takes time, effort and support.  And TONS of seems to be easier to inappropriately self-manage but easier isn't always better.  Better isn't always easier.

I see a psychiatrist in a couple of weeks so that is good.  Time is slowly creeping by but at the same time flying so fast that I am having a difficult time keeping up.  I have set a few personal goals to accomplish within the next year and in between that I am working on positive everyday living; managing myself and having a life filled with activities and people that I enjoy and love without overwhelming myself.

My dad was in town this weekend for a visit and we had a nice talk.  Ok, I had a meltdown, he let me cry for a bit and then we had a heart-to-heart about life.  So, more than a nice talk. : )  My parents have been supportive even though they are unsure of how or what I need from them.  I have only told them recently about what has been going on and struggled to keep it to myself that long even.  I wanted to wait until I had an official diagnosis but I couldn't.  I felt that I was keeping something secret from them and that is the last thing that I want to do with my family.  They are an important part of my life and offer unconditional love and support.  Even though they don't live here with me I know they think of me often and care about me not only as their daughter but as a person, and adult trying to make it in the world today.  They do what they can to be there for me despite the geographical distance and I appreciate it in ways they will never know.  "Thank you" just doesn't cut it most of the time.  It's so much more and I hope that they know that.  I love you Mom and Dad. : )