Sunday, January 15, 2012

Boundaries and Control

We all have personal boundaries that we have in place, or would like to be strong enough to put in place.  These are important to our self esteem, mental balance and spiritual wellness.  2012 is my year to reassert my boundaries.  I have spent too much energy, time and resources (financial and otherwise) trying to help others that are not ready to help themselves.  By putting my boundaries in place it seems that I have upset some very dear and close friends.  One friend referred me to a website which stated that "if we worry we tend to fuss. And if we fuss we tend to try to control, even molly-coddle, the person we are so worried about. Doing this can make that person feel they have no independence, or even stop them developing self reliance and confidence."  (This website also stated that "caring about one another makes for healthy families and communities" but I don't think that was what prompted my friend to share this website with me...just a hunch.)

I don't feel that I am trying to control my friends in any way by worrying about them.  Maybe I'm coming across as controlling?  I have simply stated what I am and am not willing to tolerate in our friendship.   For my own safety.  It has moved past general care, concern and worry regarding my friends' safety and into fear for my own safety.  That in itself is not trying to control my friends, that is simply trying to control my life.  Ever choice has consequences.  I have given my friends choices.  They can choose to continue their behavior or stop their behavior.  I can choose to stay or to go.  We are all free in this scenario to choose what we feel is best for ourselves.  I repeat BEST FOR OURSELVES.  My new year is about looking after myself.  And if my friends do not accept my boundaries I cannot be of any help to them.  Sometimes we have to be selfish in that we need to look after ourselves.  Does this make me a bad person?  I hope not...I would do almost anything for those around me and that I love dearly however if I am not at my best and able to help myself, I am not able to help others.  There is a mantra that states "you must fill your cup first or you will have nothing left to give."  Well folks, my cup has run dry; it has been broken into millions of shards of cup.  I must take time to repair my cup, mend the pieces, seal the cracks and then begin the task of filling my cup before I can give again.

I do not judge you for your decisions and choices as I hope you do not judge me for mine.  I love you for who you are and the good that you bring into my life and give to others.  I only wish the best for you in everything you do.  One day I hope that you will see this about yourself and feel the same way about yourself as I feel about you.  Namaste, my friends.

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