So Saturday night was rough. I called everyone I could and texted a few peeps but it still didn't help. Those big fat juicy tears that you sometimes get were plopping down my face like a faucet leaking. A friend came over and we made pasta and ate it and watched a movie and drank until 6:30 in the morning. Probably not the best choices but I would have been awake anyways so I might as well be awake and doing something fun with people that care about me and that I care about.
So all day Sunday I tried to figure out what triggered the melt down. What happened Saturday? What happened Friday? Did I sleep enough previous to getting no sleep Saturday? Did I eat something? Did I not do something I should have? AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! What the f*&% was it that happened that made the thoughts that created the feeling?
Monday and Tuesday fared no better during the day but I managed. Monday I learned it is a 9 month to 1 year wait for a psychiatrist in this city. Even if I do admit myself voluntarily to the mental health ward of the hospital there is no guarantee that I will be helped much sooner from what I have heard from others that have experienced similar things. So I'm still waiting. Paranoia was at a high today. Seems to fluctuate between anxiety and paranoia these days.
I'm not making smart choices these days. What am I doing? I'm falling off the horse...
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